Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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