There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
