You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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