I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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