You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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