i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
