he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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