dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
