i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
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Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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