I'm jealous of your bromance
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
high people should be assigned attendants
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
