WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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