OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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