Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
