My room smells like vodka and shame
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
