dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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