I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
