I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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