Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
