Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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