I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
