hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
