The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
