i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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