i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
