I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
this is an emotional support booty call
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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