I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize