You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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