Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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