when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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