Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
