just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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