I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
