oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
