I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
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you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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