i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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