Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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