Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
