So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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