no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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