i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
