You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I had to cum in my sink.
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