Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we're making bets on your personal life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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