The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
