if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
pray to the hookup gods
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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