i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my shit smells like andre
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
