Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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