I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
