For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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