I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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