Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
