Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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