I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
