If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize