I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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