Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize