I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
