I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
