Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
