your thong is hanging out like whoa
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
