Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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