I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
