Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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