Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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