Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
