You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
