you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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