But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
