I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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