Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
